Food is for Lovers

People who don’t like eating shouldn’t be trusted. For one, they don’t understand the concept of passion. Moreover, these people suck in bed. For how can you create something that you know nothing about? You can’t. If you aren’t able to get a rush from simple pleasures, chance are you’re never going to understand how to build all those tiny yet complex sensations until they culminate, leaving your partner with an amazing feeling of satisfaction.

It’s like making a mother sauce. You need to take your time. Adding the ingredients one by one, giving care to see that each ingredient peaks just as the next ingredient is added until you get a mélange of flavors that is so strong and beautiful it whelms the palate. Food abstainers could never appreciate this nor could they give you a culinary or physical orgasm.

Food is one of the first pleasures we experience in life. We get it from our mother’s milk or these days, formula. Like anything you put in your mouth, eating is very intimate and sensual. For most, it’s something we do daily. Food is what wakes me up in the morning and keeps me up at night. While I don’t expect everyone to hold it such high esteem I do expect people to enjoy it.

Those who fake enthusiasm for food are even worse. Watching skinny women cook on television is like watching bad porn. You know they’re not enjoying it and right after cameras stop rolling they spit. Food is to be savored. SWALLOW GIRLS.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they eat. I often use it as a way to read a person’s attitude toward life. Food gets me so excited that I cannot control myself and I end up eating in lightning speed. Since I often finish before the other person, I use my time to observe. As they eat I look for certain indicators. I ask myself questions. Do they share their food? (if so they’re open to others) Do they let their food touch? (if not they’re very anal retentive) Are they slow methodical eaters? (analytical) Do they feel comfortable using their hands? (culturally sensitive or germaphobe) Do they like it spicy? (can they handle heat?) Are they picky, hyper critical, or too easily pleased? (mama’s boy, perfectionist, go with the flow guy). These may seem like silly idiosyncrasies but really they're intimate portrayals of how people behave when they think no one is watching.

Eating habits, preferences, and pet peeves may also influence a relationship. I once had a roommate who couldn’t stand the sound of teeth scraping against a fork when you slide it out of your mouth. Who knew? Another friend told me she didn’t eat peaches because she hated the feeling of peach fuzz. I for one can’t bite into an apple. The feeling of tearing the skin makes my teeth cringe so I always have a friend take the first bite and eat from the flesh. Whatever your quirk, hopefully its not a deal breaker.

Food can tell you about love. I knew I was in love when the guy I was seeing casually reached across the table, broke off a piece of scone in my hand, and ate it. Everything about that moment seemed organic. It let me know that he felt an unprecedented amount of comfort with me and I him. It was the first time I felt at home away from home. I was in love for the first time and it was a scone that told me.