Rapper's Delight

Every time I eat fast food or at a chain restaurant it always ends the same, me curled into the fetal position thinking kill me now. Growing up, my family rarely consumed fast food. We did have the occasional Wendy’s or Mc Donald’s while on a road trip, but when you’re a kid your stomach is industrial. You can consume 20 grams of sugar in a cereal, down a soda, and still have room for more. As I get older, I find my body is more and more sensitive to, well lets call a spade a spade, CRAP, and cannot tolerate processed food like it used to. Though this is for the best, I do find myself forced to eat fast food from time to time in which, the result is always disastrous.

Most of the time I’m forced to eat bad food out of politeness. I think most people have been placed in a situation similar to that of Rapper’s Delight, “Have you ever went over to a friend’s to eat and food just ‘aint no good? So you play it off like you think you can, by saying that you’re full. So your friend says, “Momma he’s just being polite he aint finished. Uh uh that’s bull.” The guy in the song got away, but most of us are not so lucky. If only we all lived in a world where we could just say, the chicken tastes like wood! Instead we chew slowly, drink lots of water, and hog the bread.

However, my most recent and unfortunate incident with fast food came about while traveling. I was stuck at an airport and getting my usual irritability from hunger. I hadn’t had time to get food before hand and now found myself hungrily scanning the airport in empty hope. I needed food. I needed it now. I hate Subway. Still, I figured, “I’ll get a turkey sandwich. That’s safe. Can’t be any worse than your average NY bodega!” I learned a lesson that night. If it sucks going down, it's gonna suck coming back up.

Truth be told, I don’t mind that flights don’t feed you anymore. Why mourn the loss of shitty food? Who misses those days of complementary T.V. dinners? Where food was overcooked, full of MSG, and served to you on a flimsy paper cafeteria tray? What does make me irritated is when I am forced to buy the shitty overpriced airport food. Mostly, I bring my own food which is a) cheaper, b) more likely to be real food with real flavor, and c) something I actually want to eat. However, sometimes one can be pressed for time and it comes down to starving and irritable or eat something I know only resembles food yet somehow costs thrice the normal amount. Bad food is annoying. Paying a lot of money for bad food is infuriating.

Likewise, a friend recently posted on facebook, “What is the best thing on the menu at Olive Garden? Seriously…” Her post was met with a barrage of sarcastic comments including mine, which was, water. Followed by another friend’s comment, “directions to the emergency exit.” I was glad to see that other people held Olive Garden in the same esteem, complete rubbish. I laugh whenever I see the commercials for endless salad and breadsticks thinking, offering more tasteless salad and yeast is a punishment not a deal. Her visit like mine, ended with a belly ache.

This leads me to a question, “What is the worst chain or fast food experience you’ve ever had?”